Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
