i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
