you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
