i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
