Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
