ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
