I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Randomize
