A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
