see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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