I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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