Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
