I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My balls are so social today.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
