I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
