i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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