the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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