Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
