this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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