I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all