I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
