How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he was CRYING into my vagina
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
