It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
