You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
