Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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