last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
