You can't special order awesome
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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