his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
