Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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