fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
