she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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