S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
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