I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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