Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
