Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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