He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
