I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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