Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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