It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
