I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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