Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
