just tell him i said nine months
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
