i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
