i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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