the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
