Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The air taste purple.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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