piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
