They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
