i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
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You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
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Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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