I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
