If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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