you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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