New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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