there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
