I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
