lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
