I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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