His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
