I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
