am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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