I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
