We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
