I wish I could punch you in the face.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
