Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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