there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
