Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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