Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
