I am puke
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
