do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
